Mes trésors

Official russian translation.

It's an enjoyable heist movie where an elderly Jean Reno gathers his daughters for the job.

@темы: Кино, Кинотеатр, Mes tresors

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Три богатыря и морской царь

This is just as boring as every other cartoon in this shared BOGATYRY ANIMNATED UNIVERSE and now with even more unfunny sidekicks.

Just remember the good moral of this story: rape drugs and sexism will result in a happy end.

@темы: Кинотеатр, Энтропия, Индустрия Развлечений, Мультипликация/анимация, Три богатыря, Три богатыря и морской царь, BOGATYRY ANIMNATED UNIVERSE

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Bad Santa 2

It is just more of the same and it's pretty good. They even managed to make the unnecessary continuation of the story ark plausible.

Uhm, wait. So P.C. cancer left people blind to the obvious fact that Thurman is a literally retarded character?

@темы: Кино, Кинотеатр, Индустрия Развлечений, bad santa

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Inner Workings

Wow, this is just plain degenerate, disgustingly ugly and it is contradicting Disney's Reason and Emotion (basically saying that hitler is good). And it's demonizing office work filled with memes, Twitter, free internet and slacking. While real manual and conveyor workers slave away assembling iPhones for them. And that mindless beeping is probably an accurate representation of the enslaved sweatshop animators' work during the making of this short.

@темы: Кинотеатр, Энтропия, Индустрия Развлечений, Мультипликация/анимация, Inner Workings

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부산행 (Busanhaeng)

Official russian translation.

This is the most tropey cliche tired zombie flick you can imagine. The characters are absolutely retarded and there are a ton of continuity errors.

Поезд в пукан (извините)

@темы: Кино, Кинотеатр, Энтропия, Индустрия Развлечений, Busanhaeng

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28 панфиловцев

Despite the wailing and howling of the local libtards and conservocucks (that encouraged me to donate my 50₽ during the crowdfunding), this movie is not even pretending to be a real story, or to recreate the legendary half-fictional newspaper publication. And it is a good movie. It has good iconography, the action scenes are cool, the writing is solid.

It easily beats Fury's "War is bad m'kay, now grab her by the pussy!" by using the best positive parts of the soviet propaganda with fraternity of peoples and stuff.

Repostmodernism, last stand with no ammo and watching the sunset before credits included.

So, is anyone actually against the fraternity of peoples?

@темы: Кино, Кинотеатр, 28 панфиловцев

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Max Steel (2016)

Official russian translation.

It is a generic teen superhero origins story, witha retarded sidekick who can't shut up.

@темы: Кино, Кинотеатр, Энтропия, Индустрия Развлечений, Max Steel

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Синдбад: Пираты семи штормов

This cartoon have mostly okay animation and art-style. But the writing and pacing are pretty bad. The sound design is inadequate, the voice-acting is quite bad, the songs are despicable.

@темы: Кинотеатр, Энтропия, Индустрия Развлечений, Мультипликация/анимация, Sinbad the Sailor, Синдбад: Пираты семи штормов

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Storks

Official russian translation.

This film has one joke repeated six times and two hours of embarrassing shit. Capitalism man bad.

@темы: Кинотеатр, Мультипликация/анимация, Storks

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Дуэлянт

It is a nice simple crime movie in a rare setting. It doesn't have any juxtaposition or light-hearted action and there is no Дореволюціонный Совѣтчикъ on the OST. So there is nothing to push it beyond the threshold into greatness, but still, the costumes are nice and the acting is pleasant. They did a lot of historical research (i hope, haven't fact-checked it) on the duels, so it doesn't repeat the same generic stuff all the time.

IMAX is nothing to write home about. Curved screens (more like kurwed) is a bad idea, as always. The angular size is not that different. If a movie was not targeted toward it from the start there are no advantages in sound or picture's size. And even when it was, it does not take advantage of the old aspect ratio, only some scenes use the additional resolution, the rest is just letterboxed. Also, i could still see pixels and artefacts in the footage, so there are no advantages in physical medium size for digital cameras (duh).

Кинотеатр на Кожуховской говно для пидорасов. У этих долбоёбов синяя подсветка ступенек настолько ебучая, что засвечивает треть экрана целиком. Впрочем и угловые размеры в зале не очень. Только первый ряд более менее кроет, но он на одной высоте с экраном потмоу нихера не видно глядя куда-то ввысь. А с третьего не большая разница с обычным кинотеатром на первом ряду.

@темы: Кино, Кинотеатр, Дуэлянт

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Ben-Hur (2016)

Official russian translation.

It's a pretty nice historical action film with a very nice ending.
The costumes are great and the iconography is kewl.

@темы: Кино, Кинотеатр, ben-hur

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Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

It is yet another garbage HP movie. Ironically, in the second movie, the kids forgot how to act at all. They were fine in that first shattered to pieces attempt at a movie, but here harru and ron act worse than the toilet stalls, which are the real leads and have the longest runtime in the film.
To tolerate the retarded retreading of the opening, one can just pretend that it's uncle Monty on screen, 10 years after being cured in a christian camp.

this is me harru in the corner

It has the same incoherent structure with jumps from summer to winter in a matter of 10 minutes, without any chapter envelopes or other pace-pacyfying tools. Which is baffling considering its 2:40 runtime and that it manages to tell less than LOTR, all while lacking any downtime and character development.
It literally has machina ex machina and several other plot devices and scripted resolutions. Some plot "punchlines" lack any proper setups and just happen.

And the morbidity of this movie is just baffling.

@темы: Кино, Harry Potter, Кинотеатр, Энтропия, Индустрия Развлечений

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Nine Lives

Official russian translation.

It is a generic movie in the "2000s talking CGI animals" subgenre. As a revival of the genre it is a peculiar case, but does it have any die-hard fans who prefer it over the "90s talking live-action animals" subgenre?

The performances of the mother and the daughter are bad. The sound design is retarded — they use fake cat barks every second of the cat's on-screen time, even while the real cat has its mouth shut.

@темы: Кино, Кинотеатр, Nine Lives, Индустрия Развлечений

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Sausage Party

Official russian translation.

It is a pointless pathetic retarded degenerate Seth Rogen's pile of shit with 1,5 "jokes" and drugs. Because that is a generic Seth Rogen for you. A-ha-ha aren't drugs like phunnie guise?
Buns don't use vertical kinetics, which is a waste and a cop-out.

But i was given a great 8\10 coloring+puzzle book as a freebie with the tickets.

The translation is obviously rated E for everyone, despite the age rating of the picture.

@темы: Кинотеатр, Энтропия, Индустрия Развлечений, Мультипликация/анимация, Sausage Party

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Mechanic: Resurrection

Official russian translation.

It has a much worse story (save the gril, help the orphans), but a much better writing. Finally, he not just talks about preparation, but actually does his homework and plays Hitman (even if lousy), instead of running in guns blazing and being confused with his feelings. Though, it lost some of that, which resembled "style" in the remake.

@темы: Кино, Кинотеатр, Индустрия Развлечений, Mechanic

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龙在哪里 (Long zai na li)

A CGI animated movie, which is as dumb as any amerikan cartoon, but it has a chinese story and narrative, therefore it is less tiresome to watch. Though, i think with overexposure they would be equal.

It’s medium budgeted and with uneven distribution. Some furs look just great, while other furs are basic flats. Should’ve either make all furs plain textures or all furs fully modeled, for tonal consistency.

For some reason it has a retarded very long flashback sequence in the middle, showing you what you just saw in the last hour. And it seems it’s a common element in the chinese animation. Is it an ancient chinese secret for retarded adhd humie maggots?

Also the song in the ending is absolutely awful. If someone would make a recut without pointless flashback and without that song, it’ll be an ok cartoon.

@темы: Кинотеатр, Индустрия Развлечений, Мультипликация/анимация, Long zai na li