Симеон Гордый
Сынок знаешь, ты тоже вот-вот кудесником станешь.
(Eh, eh! Me-member Chewbacca again?! I member!) Eh, eh! Me-member Chewbacca again?! I member! (Eh, eh! Me-member Chewbacca again?! I member!)


Well, this is not a good movie. But then again, none of Star Wars ever were. They are even mostly notorious for the exposition dump in the form of plain text on screen. While it's not good — it's good enough. Just like most of the Star Wars (Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi, Star Wars: Episode I — The Phantom Menace, Star Wars: The Force Awakens) it exists only to have some random aliens do some explosions and some poorly choreographed fights with space-wizards. In the end, it still remains a mash-up of Flash Gordon with some weaboo garbage, and is equally poor in the plot.

The story is overly complex, and not in the sense of a lot of things happening at the same time, but in the sense that it has a couple of basic bits, and repeats them over and over and over again. And when they are not repeated — the film fills those spaces with plot, which is even worse. Half of the thing do not make any sense and are really stupid. Because of that, the movie drags for too long. They should've either cut off the entirety of Finn or entirety of Rey, but since Finn was making dumb unsuccessful swashbuckling and Rey was involved in some drama-like events and had some nice cinematography — i vote for her. That would result in something like The Empire Strikes Back scenes with Yoda (so it would be like poetry — it would rhyme), but actually an entire wholesome movie with talk-talkie and philosophical musings on force and that "freedom vs. religion" thingie from the expanded universe. The one where siths are not just boring nazi regime, which is so boring it can't compete even with Necromongers as an entartainment. The Luke parts in The Last Jedi even have some themes tangential to the Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic series (especially expanded Revan, where he rejected the Jedi Order as unquestioning traditionalist conservators who don't care for truth). It always takes some random people, to make at least anything worthy out of the Star Wars universe.

And they should've kill off all of the old characters, while they had a chance, or don't even bring up that matter. How they handled the explosion is plain retarded and is laughable.

"this time... SHALL BE DIFFERENT!!"
"IT'S NOT DIFFERENT AT ALL!! IS IT, STEVE?!"


Member Star Wars? Well now you can member it all over again. The whole movie is extremely derivative. Remember, all those people who are really believed that seventh movie can get away with anything just because it's a transitional one, and next one will be totally independent?

The wipe transitions are awful and outdated, for a reason. First movies were made in ye olde times and can somewhat get away with them, but wipes already were just memeberries for ye oldier times. The second movies, disregarding the quality, used them as memeberries memeberring memberries for fan-service sake, but even there were some "invisible wipes" and some wipes at least trying to synchronize with the flow. Even second movies tried to make something new in the cinematography department. The Force Awakens had some, but they were at least nonintrusive. Now imagine three-layered conservative cake being fed to the movie-centipede, where the The Last Jedi is the tail. There is not that many of classic wipes, but each one makes it count. They are extremely jarring and pace-breaking, sucking you back to the past, to watch the shitty films that suck ass.

This movie repeats directly or indirectly so much, that it even wastes screen-time explaining to the viewer, that this time shall be different. When they show you another Hoth setup, one characters turns to the screen and says: well, it's salt, it's not snow, so it's okay. (And that entire part of the movie leads nowhere, anyway).

Star Wars was always at its best in short gifs, small snippets and minor characters. Member Darth Vader? He had whole twelve minutes of the screen-time in the first movie. Outside of good things recurring from the first of the third movies (Kylo Ren's ship, for example), this one has General Hux; the mirror scene; that "spark" bit from the trailer; and even those rusty speeders had some serviceable shots. All talks between Rey and Ren are kinda nice (despite non-jokes), and they handled that particular story-arc rather okay. Also the suicide-ram had kinda good cinematography (stolen from asian cartoons)... Until everything was ruined by out of nowhere weeaboo ass-crack of everything. (Also, why nobody used that before, since it basically is a BFG 9kkk? Change all your weaponry for that thing.)

And of course in the >>current year we would use film, so the whole screen would be cowered in crawling maggots, while you are trying to see what it supposed to represent.
The 3D was plain abysmal, of course.

Four alien tits out of eight. This is not as bad as some say, and Star Wars were never as good as amurikans say.

@темы: Энтропия, Кинотеатр, Кино, Индустрия Развлечений, Star Wars